How to Create the Success, Fulfilment and Peace you Want
The Alpha male career-oriented man is a powerful breed.
They are high functioning and high achieving, they take big risks. If you're in this category you know there isn't time for unsolved problems, there isn't patience to rely on others, and losing isn't an option.
Operating from here leads to wins. Exhilarating fun. Successes..on paper.
On the other side of high level performance are the experiences that aren't talked about in the board room, with peers, or even over drinks with the boys;
-the constant reactive feeling and fighting to control a short fuse
-knowing there are a 100 business projects and issues on the table and that there are only resources to address 12 this year
-the interest in having a real relationship but unsure how it's going to look
-the feeling that life is passing by and wtf is it all for?
So there's dissonance. Part of the experience that feels good, productivity and thrill, and part of the experience that feels like chaos and frustration.
At the end of the day it's actually not about giving up the high achiever status. Getting shit done is part of who you are. It is about this - optimizing to achieve more while feeling good.
Simply put - feel bad less, feel better more.
Why isn't it that simple?
There is undeniable pressure on men to show up as the guy who is charismatic, career oriented, funny and strong. Even when they know they are checking the societal boxes they are sometimes left feeling unfulfilled.
Additionally, there is a powerful life force that runs through men, energy that wants direction, but sometimes the way the energy is used doesn’t actually contribute or move us in the direction we want.
Even when we know where we WANT our energy to go...distractions, lack of motivation and the general unknown get in the way.
Then when life force isn’t moving with purpose and direction into projects that contribute to a fulfilled life it instead creates anxiety and flatness.
If the anxiety and flatness isn’t addressed it can lead to anger, addiction and depression.
This mechanism in the psyche is what is sometimes referred to as our shadow. Our shadow is the part of us that subconsciously sabotages our success.
It sabotages business growth by keeping us stuck with..
-Team members who don’t show up fully
-A cap on effort vs profit created
-Mental limitations that other people in your industry can seemingly get through with ease
Our shadow sabotages relationships when..
-We continue to attract the same type of partner who comes with drama or painful breakups
-We hear that we aren’t giving them enough attention
-We aren’t experiencing the love, connection, and challenge we want from our relationship
If a man’s outward facing character (the role he plays day to day) is energized and confident then no one will give him permission to do the work required to meet the shadow of self sabotage. But he usually feels the shadow, he sees it playing out in his life like in the examples above.
Does what you're reading line up with your experience?
So, what’s in the way? And why?
And why hasn't listening to Tim Farris and Jordan Peterson created a full body shift that manifests in your life?
Those men and their peers have wisdom for sure. There's wisdom in the books you read, in your mind it makes sense, it's applicable and it works.
But if it really worked we surely wouldn't feel so high strung, stressed out, on edge and if we're being completely honest, incredibly lonely.
So you want to be a strong leader, have cash and assets you feel amazing about, and have time to do the things you like.
Taking the 'on paper' teachings and principles further isn't just about blind execution. It actually requires looking at the shadows (driving sabotage), unlearning, identity shifts and integrating with presence.
This works well in one to one facilitation and, in my experience, along with bringing these concepts from your mind in to your body.
Ie. Learning in real time how to be able to show up fully while feeling grounded, clear and dialled in.
Which means you need to find someone to facilitate that with you. Dedicate time to your own growth with a coach because that will 10x you faster than any book of strategy.
When we commit to our evolution through mindset work and somatic therapy we get to
- Achieve major clarity, direction, and purpose in life
- Increase our ability to direct attention and switch strategies
- Run meetings and speak to groups without undesirable physiological experience like poor sleep, nervousness or sweaty palms
- Decrease cortisol spikes and feelings of depression
- Increase immune response and sleep quality
- Establish a deep connection to our authentic self
- Experience more intimacy and connection
There are two main tools I've brought up here; mindset work with subconscious reprogramming and somatic therapy.
How they work:
When a coach facilities mindset work and NLP (neurolinguistic programming) it's unbelievable how quickly we can uncover the real issues versus the hurdles we are unconsciously creating.
In sessions like these I've had my own clarity on major business decisions, partnership agreements, and relationship issues. It becomes clear where my responsibility is and where I need to take immediate action. Most notably I've uncovered patterns I'd been running for years that I had no idea were creating such an impact on my day to day life.
I can think myself in circles over the same problem but having a coach brings a level of awareness, sound boarding and reflection that is impossible to get from yourself or a bias party.
Second is somatic therapy. Somatic means in the body. This practice works with the nervous system and brain connection. If our body is constantly in fight mode we feel reactive, angry, frustrated or anxious. In this case it's not so much about eliminating the stress, which will always be there in some form, but instead teaching the body to remain regulated in stressful states.
Imagine being able to have hard business conversations, walk into a presentation or even navigate dating life without any anxious emotions? It feels good and it works.
Have you ever gone to a breath work class and come out the other side thinking, "I don't know what happened bu that was intense and awesome."? Somatic therapy provides the benefits of meditation and breath work but instead of not really knowing what's going on you are conscious in the somatic experience so you can actually conceptualize what you're uncovering and feel what's blocking you.
Mindset work and somatic therapy are two tools I believe can majorly change the game for high performing men who want the next level results without more effort. Push and force get you to a certain level but at some point the strategy has to change.
Ultimately high achieving men tend to end up going down one of two paths. One leads to burnout and a constant feeling of dissatisfaction, and the other path is creating the success you know you're capable of paired with a deep grounded sense of happiness.
Investing into a performance and personal development coach seems like a no brainer to me for those who desire higher emotional intelligence, improved capacity to focus and a fulfilling relationship.
Find yourself a coach. It doesn't have to be me, but if you're interested in access to results-driven coaching find me here.
What you need now is to find out what drives you forward, and more importantly what’s actually holding you back.
